ελπίδα, πίστη, αγάπη

One of the things I hate most is cowardice. I think it's even better to say I loathe it.

Early today, I felt like being a coward. It was so annoying. All I had to do was tell someone what I did. I had no intention of hiding it, but I don't know what hit me. I was trying to think of all the possible outcomes. I wanted to cover all the bases. I was even thinking of what I might tell a friend if he experiences the same.

But I could hardly convince myself. Seemed like I needed a tangible source of encouragement. So I tried to think of Baseball. Perhaps I just happened to think of Baseball again and just tried to make a connection.

I thought of all the ballplayers I could remember and imagined them going to the field to bat, pitch and catch. They could be scared, or anxious, but they definitely want to win. So I thought of that.

I wanted something to be done so what's the point in delaying? And thank God, I got over it. It's over.

By the way, the Yankees won against the Braves last night. 8-4.

Music: Blackmore's Night - Rainbow Eye

Hell, I am not feeling well.

I hate it when I am feeling blue. I just want to keep smiling. I want to laugh heartily. It's a good feeling that I like. =)

By the way, I just noticed that the font I am using in this blog looks nice. I like it.

Music: Nirvana - Silver
Reading: Special A manga Ch. 65

I feel bloody horrible. I can't understand what I really want. I feel the need to "feel" something, but I've been building walls lately, and as always- am being numb, in a way. I want to feel sadness, pain, sorrow, agony... but I've already built invisible walls, something like a invisible rubber shield. It's awful.

Too feel nothing is bloody awful. I just want to feel something.

The songs I've been listening to serve as my catalyst. I need something to make me feel alive. Perhaps, I should just find my way back.



Music:
Muse - Supermassive Black Hole

Man finds nothing so intolerable as to be in a state of complete rest, without passions, without occupation, without diversion, without effort. Then he feels his nullity, loneliness, inadequacy, dependence, helplessness, emptiness.
~Blaise Pascal