信頼

Durog.

2008-07-03T21:39:41+08:00

I need to be next to you..

This is the song I want to sing to my God. Hear me, Lord!

You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book?

-PSALM 56:8

Are they not?
Have You not seen? Have You not heard?
How long will You let my heart take the pain?
How long do You think my body can endure?

But You created this body.
You have seen how I have become frail.
You know all my troubles.
You know every single detail about me.

My soul is not hidden from You.
My spirit is a gift from You.
My life I owe to You
And You hold my future in Your hands.

You trust me.
But how can I not trust myself?
With a nurse's eye, I see damnation coming.
But with the eyes of faith I see hope.

Renew my strength, O God;
All day long I wait for You.
I wait for the God of my salvation;
I wait patiently, LORD.

Save me from my troubles.
Do You still believe I can endure this much?
Do You see me living yet another day?
I know I can trust You. I always will.

For Your sake I will live today,
I will live a life for You.
And for Your sake
I surrender these pain and sorrow.

-AFA-

Music:

Leigh Nash - I Need to be Next to You

Leann Rhime - I Need You

Extravagant Worship

2008-07-02T12:54:18+08:00

I haven't read much books lately. *sigh* I miss reading novels, Robert Ludlum novels. Or Mario Puzo novels. John Grisham novels will do too.

The latest book I've read, which turned out to be a new favourite book, was Extravagant Worship by Darlene Zschech. I found it when I was staying in Antipolo.

Extravagant Worship is a wonderful book. I highly recommend it to every people who are serving in a ministry, especially the Music Ministry. But I don't exclude those who were and even those who wish to join a ministry. Worship is not just about singing and music. Worship is a lifestyle. But I can't imagine worship without music. ^_~

By the way, I am not a member of our church's Music Ministry. But I sometimes watch them practice and prepare stuffs.. =)

I may have not read a lot or at least one novel, but that doesn't mean I am not reading anything at all. I still have the Basic Instrution Before Leaving Earth. Heehee.. I really love this Book.

My favourite stories are those when Israel fights her enemies and win battles in ways you won't even dare imagine. So unusual. There may be things I could hardly understand, but I somehow learn. I get to know more about the One who is in control of everything. It's really cool.

I still have novels unread. But I will read them, for sure. Just not yet.

Now playing:

Hillsong - Hosanna

Kokoro no Uta

2008-06-25T16:16:14+08:00

I WILL LIFT MY EYES
Written by Bebo Norman and Jason Ingram

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt

*Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

**I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me

*
**

‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
So hold me now

I have no one to run to but God alone. And there's nothing left but seek His love and comfort. This song speaks so much of what I am going through..

Now playing:

I Will Lift My Eyes

Winter Sleep

Corazon..

2008-06-21T16:07:53+08:00

I've been reading my private blog's posts. There was only one effect: It moved me to tears.

I want to write about something. But I don't know what. My body is aching enough to ask my brain think of something to write. I am tired. Whatever that means. I am really tired.

Father in heaven, You know what I am going through. You know how tired I have been. But I will still hold on to You. I will not let go of You, my only source of strength.. my only hope.

I was watching My Girl last night in ABS-CBN. Some things and memories were coming back. Most of all, it reminded me of a very important lesson I have learned from the original My Girl drama.

Music:
Hillsong - Lead Me to the Cross

H is for Himitsu

2008-05-23T11:34:57+08:00

It remains a secret no one knows. And no one will ever know unless one of us spills the beans. Or if God decides to unfold it.

If someone else will find out, I will be fine. I will be fine. And I pray the same goes with you.

music:

Hillsong United - All I Need is You

Music sings for me.

2008-05-23T11:35:44+08:00

The songs I am listening to lately speak about me. In a sense. They are like the songs I have always wanted to sing. They speak about my story, my thoughts, and what I am going through. It is amusing.

These songs save me from shedding a tear. I don't want to blog out what I have in mind. It feels troublesome doing so lately. I have discussed the matter with a friend though. Thank you, Joseph. And thank you for the advice. I might consider it, having two people now who give me such advice. It's reasonable.

It's raining. It is raining hard. And I want to sleep. I want to go through deep sleep. I don't want to go to school. Bleh.

Music:

Yellowcard - Only One

True Faith - Dahil Ikaw

Marie Digby - Love Hurts

The Cape of Storms

2008-05-09T12:48:18+08:00

I hate this furk-bloody pain!!

I bloody know it's emotional pain because I know the source. Bloody! But HADES, I can't feel it. I cannot feel emotional pain. Or maybe I have already forgotten how to feel one. I do have physical complains though. It sucks. Yes, I feel physical pain because I can handle it better than emotional pain. CRAAAAP!!

Listening to some songs I used to ignore are making ~~some~~ sense to me. What's the deal with pain, men? Duh! As if I don't know the answer. It's an alarm telling us, "Hey, something's wrong here!" *raises hands*

So where do I sail?
A ship losing control
My cries swallowed up, lost in the ranging sea

So where has love gone?
Will I ever reach it?
The Cape of Storms echoes the pain I feel inside

Hades. I can feel a "storm" inside and I am losing control. And when I said "inside" I wasn't talking emotional. It's still physical. It's like a turbulence. I hate it! Can't I just know and acknowledge that I am hurt and skip the physical discomforts?

If I am to connect my "MetaHuman-ess as Storm" blame me not for the up-coming storm in PAR. XD And yester night's rain was also out of my conscious control. Maybe I was bursting. Haha!

I want to get over this.

Music:
SHE - Sweet and Sour

Yume

2008-05-03T07:57:09+08:00

My blogsite about dreams is still causing me headache. Posting has been disabled. Hades. I guess I'll just have to write here for the mean time. -_-

April 2008: fourth week

I saw my friends' dad in my dream. He was with some boys whom I don't know. Someone was taking pictures of them. And I don't know who the photographer was. I didn't even see him or her. I just saw my friends' dad and two boys posing. They look like his nephews. That's just a thought though.

26 April 2008

I was in HotL having a nap. It was an afternoon nap with some of my friends. When I woke up, I just realized that I had a dream dream. Haha! I somehow wanted that dream. Ok, I want that dream. But please let no one shoot me, especially God. (._. )

I stayed sitting still before I got up because I was still thinking of dream. I was somehow happy to have that dream. And a part of me wanted it to happen. But that would be most unlikely to happen especially with what I found out the day after. It hurt me, I know. There were signs and symptoms and I just couldn't ignore them because I am in Nursing . I am still capable of seeing things objectively.

That dream.. My favourite ivh heaven hell gave me. And I had what I've always wanted to give this recipient in that dream. A dream I had in a dream. It was all a dream.

I can't have that dream. Perhaps never. Yes, never. Because I told God I won't ask for "it" and I will be keeping my word though it hurts.

now playing:

Cathy Leung - Chasing You

Blog

2008-04-30T12:01:02+08:00

Blogging helps me cope with stress and crappy things. But one of my blogs is just being a bitch. I wonder what's going on with the server or whatever you call it. I don't speak ITerms. I am sorry.

I was supposed to update my dream-blog (it's a blog about my dreams). I was actually supposed to update days ago but I just didn't feel like going online and updating stuff. I've been tired since last week. I just had a good nap yesterday ~~because I was shutting dow~~n. It was good enough, for my physical body. As for the other aspect of my life, I need money. MONEE. I want to do some girly-stuff. Read: SHOPPING. Oh well, forget it. XD

An hour from now will be our exam in CHD. Hades, I hope I have read enough. And I pray I can remember them all. This week is supposed to be about recovery, but another load of concerns piled up. I haven't even scanned those pics Saging asked me to. Pasaylo. v_v

Btw, I miss my royal son. He no longer calls me okaasan. >_< I can't even remember the last time he called me one. *tampo* I miss my sweet royal son. But of course, he's got some stuff to attend to. ^_~ Pa-burger ka naman!

I think I've already updated in most of my blogs. This means one thing. I am going through some distrubance. Hades, I am not emotionally or mentally disturbed.

For the record of being a crap and cranky:

WHEN WILL YOU GIVE ME AN OFFER I CAN NEVER REFUSE?

now playing:

The Brilliant Green - Stand By Me

20-28 April 2008

2008-04-29T05:56:58+08:00

20 APRIL 2008

Prep Day for the VBS.

21-25 APRIL 2008

Vacation Bible School. I was only able to attend on Thursday. I had review class on Monday to Wednesday and group review on Friday.

Vacation Music Workshop. Perfect attendance! I usually head to HotL after review class.

26 APRIL 2008

VBS Grad. It was held in Camp Aguinaldo. It was fun especially having my friends around. ^_^

Last week was really toxic, but I did manage and had fun. It was nice. I've been going to HotL for 9 consecutive days already. And I'm going back there later for VMW practice, for our recital next week. *nervous* And yeah, I always come home late. o_o I did come home early yesterday but I left at 04:30 and returned at 08:00. Not late. XD

now playing:

OLIVIA - Who's Gonna Stop It?