ελπίδα, πίστη, αγάπη

2008 will soon end and 2009 will then take place. Time flies. Even so, a lot had happened this year. I don't want to lay out details here. I just want to bid 2008 goodbye. Thank you for an incredible year. I can definitely say I've become stronger. Better? Amen! Haha.

There's one particular thing I want to address. I might be bringing it, unwantedly, in the coming year but I can handle it better now. It was unlike how I had it before. I've been denying about it but when I've come to accept it things got better. But not so lately. It's quite bothering me a lot, awake or not. But I'll be sticking to what I said before. I'll let it go away through natural death. I don't know how that will happen. I don't even know when it will totally go away. But I'll be fine. I'm no longer as confused as I used to be. I now know what I want, consciously, though my dreams slash subconscious says otherwise.

By the way, I think I gained 6 pounds. Haha! Four more pounds and I can donate blood. Yipee! And I can have a tattoo? Weeh! <3

I have many wishes or prayers for the year 2009. Of course, good health and blessings for my love ones. As for me, top the NLE. Haha! I want to have the biggest faith I can have for this year. I may not be able to do it, but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ^_^ And oh, I want something else. I'd love to meet mai moon-scarred leech. Haha! Wanted: lightning strike - power and speed and death rolled into one. ^_~

Thank You, Lord, for the year 2008. Thank You so much for Your amazing love for us. Hallelujah!


Sayonara, 2008. Welcome 2009!! ^___^

I release blessings and good health and a wonderful year for every person reading this blog entry. God bless!!!

Oh, praise the One who paid my debt
and raised this life up from the death!

RUNNING
~Kristian Stanfill

It seems I'm never free
from a past that holds me down
a past that haunts me now
but You, You break the chains
You shake the bondage off of me
You help me to believe

PreChorus:
I'm free to live
to breathe to walk with You

Chorus:
I'm running, I'm running
to leave the past behind
No shame to feel
no shame to hold me down
I'm running, I'm running
I'm never looking back
With You I'm strong
and I can dream again

Verse 2:
It's time to move along
I hear You calling me
to bigger better dreams
You, You give me strength
You give me everything I need
help my eyes to see

Bridge:
I won't look back, I'm moving on
I'm leaving the past, the past is gone
and I won't look back, I'm moving on
I'm leaving the past, the past is gone

Music:
Chris Tomlin - Indescribable

I've been checking the JobStreet for potential works. I hate doing nothing lately though most of the time I am unproductive. I'm really making the effort to be more assertive.

There were plenty of choices but I have to make considerations so choosing the position to apply for is not easy. I still haven'y submitted a resume to any of my choices. I still want to reconsider some things.

A friend of mine, which was actually a batchmate (in high school and college), mentioned that she will be leaving for Baguio and invited me to come with her. She offered a work in a call centre. I know I don't want to work in a call centre company, as a call centre agent, but the offer sounds tempting. It's in Baguio, a good place perhaps a perfect one where I can stay. I've always been thinking of moving away, even for a period of time. I've also thought that if things go well I might as well take my NLE in Baguio. Then stay there..?  I've even checked for a suitable place to stay while being there. Haha! Hopefully. But the decision is not final. My friend is still considering some things, and so am I.

Btw, I've just realized that today is Saturday. I've lost track of time again. Sounds just like me.

I think I should wake up early tomorrow and submit some resume. Ugh! Those can wait in the afternoon.



Music:
Vivaldi - Autunno

I'm still confused; wondering should I accept the offer to me to be recruited slash work in a particular company. I am no longer sure what's really stopping me. I'm not even convinced enough. This is so troublesome.

I want to work with a very good compensation without compromising my pride. Haha! I'm really stubborn. I had a dream related to what's been offered to me. I don't know if it was a sign or just an effect of my troubled mind.

Whatever my decision be, I want to be sure that I'll be able to stand for it. I need help. I need a nurse.



Music:
The Mitch Hansen Band - By You

I feel bloody horrible. I can't understand what I really want. I feel the need to "feel" something, but I've been building walls lately, and as always- am being numb, in a way. I want to feel sadness, pain, sorrow, agony... but I've already built invisible walls, something like a invisible rubber shield. It's awful.

Too feel nothing is bloody awful. I just want to feel something.

The songs I've been listening to serve as my catalyst. I need something to make me feel alive. Perhaps, I should just find my way back.



Music:
Muse - Supermassive Black Hole

Movies
I want to watch the following movies:
Speak
Thirteen
Into the Wild
What Just Happened
In the Land of Women

Yes, these movies star Kristen Stewart except Thirteen, which had Nikki Reed. But I do want to watch these movies. Curiosity.


Music
I'm into Blues and Smooth Jazz lately. I do have fun listening to these genre. I'd like to keep this habit of listening to them. Sounds healthy to me. =)


Hair
I'm really bothered about my hair. It's annoyingly frizzy and weak. Huhu.. This just reflects my nutritional state. I eat healthy foods and keep myself hydrated, but I'm suspecting myself to have nutritional malabsorption. It sucks.


Aversion
I have been aware of this thing lately but I am not sure to what my aversion is directed.


Defense Mechanism
All defense mechanism, but suppresion, are done unconsiously. But what happens if you become aware of the defense mechanims you are using. I am in such predicament, and I feel like I am using dissociation whenever awareness knocks at my cerebrum.


I'd really love to try new things, but most importantly I need to focus and force discipline myself. I stand alone.



Music:
Van Morrison - Go For Yourself

Man finds nothing so intolerable as to be in a state of complete rest, without passions, without occupation, without diversion, without effort. Then he feels his nullity, loneliness, inadequacy, dependence, helplessness, emptiness.
~Blaise Pascal

When Karla came home yester night I realized that it was already Friday. She only comes home during weekends. When the thought sank into my thought-bombarded brain, I was like "Oh no! I didn't know." I got disoriented to day again. Happens a lot to me. The good thing is I am now aware that today is Saturday, 6th day of the last month of the year.


I've been watching a lot of movies lately, but not in movie houses. Just simple home movie marathon. I'm catching up. Most of the movies I watched lately were thrillers, psychological thrillers to be exact. I am not fond of horror movies, but if the theme dwells in the human soul and mind you can expect me to sit and watch. Never mind if there's no popcorn around. I don't usually grab the thing when I'm watching movies. Just pure "privacy" is enough. Morbid horrors don't appeal to me. They don't scare me enough. No, they don't scare me at all.

I remember watching Secret Window and Panic Room. These movies just made me grip my seat. Murders and death don't scare me. What caused these events do. When I realized what Mort Rainey (Johnny Depp) had become in Secret Window, I became paranoid and never got out of it. It was bloody scary.

In Panic Room, I got my head keep wondering how Meg (Jodie Foster) and Sarah Altman (Kristen Stewart) would be able to get out of the room  or house safely. I've just remembered the scene when someone was hit in the face while the 12-year old Sarah was a witness. The memory is giving me shivers down my spine. I sometimes get carried away when a child is involved. The incident was traumatic. I don't like children being traumatized. Sarah Altman was diabetic and she needed her shot. She was already having hypoglycemia. When asked what would happen if she didn't get her shot, I said "Dead." Okay, I went ahead too much. There's still coma before death. When Kristen uttered those words, I cringed.

While roaming the net and reading articles about Twilight earlier, I found out that Jackson Rathbone will be in a thriller/horror called Dread. It's based from a book about students documenting people's fears. I want to watch it. It intrigues me. What would I do in the face of the thing I fear most? I'm close to addressing and facing my fear, but I am always on guard. It's too scary for me though there were times I don't mind talking about it. Carlisle was right, "Let the mind protect itself."



Music:
Collective Soul - Tremble for My Beloved

Two of my cousins watched Twilight today. I've been really curious about their reaction to the movie. One said he likes the house and his favourite character is Alice. I love Alice.

But what surprised me more is the other one's comment. It actually took me time to absorb and believe what I heard. It was not uneasy. I'm just the ever skeptic.

My other cousin: Edward is hot!
Me: O_o ..... *no comment* .....



Music:
Muse - Supermassive Black Hole