Tuesday, 29 April 2008
I want to see YOU face to face..
I sometimes want to see God (face to face) and ask Him some personal questions. I want to know what He wants me to learn. I want to know how to let go of some things in life. I know I told God that I won't ask of Him a particular thing. I gave it up weeks ago. It still hurts. It'd be a lie if I say it doesn't hurt. I may not feel the pain in my heart, but it hurts somewhere else. I am fine with that. Heart-san has been hurt a lot and I don't want him to take any more pain. It's not healthy for him.I've always wanted to have something to make me forget it. But it's not easy. I even sometimes feel that something's getting stronger. Too bad, I can't express enough so I have to show it somewhere else. I am actually trying to think of a proper term for it. It is either sublimation or displacement without the negative attribute.
There's a movie that I want to watch because I'm intrigued with the plot. I hope I can watch it. But more than that, I really want to get over some things I am having a hard time forgetting. Losh. I know I am a forgetful person, but there are just some things that I could hardly forget no matter what I do.
Father in heaven, if it is Your will, I want to see Core soon. If it pleases You, please allow me to have Core. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
now playing:
Rebecca St. James - Desperate for You
05:25 Posted in Blog | Permalink | Comments (2) | Email this
Comments
This is quite a moving message. It is in a way so similar to how I so often feel.
Some things (or relations) we cannot forget. Your words 'how to let go of some things in life' remind of another Rebecca St James song, I Can Trust You: 'I have a hard time relinquishing control - Letting go'. (http://rebeccastjamesreference.googlepages.com/Lyr2005-11.html).
However, when something which is so very beautiful to us becomes unreachable - we may wish we had never known about it, so that we would not be tortured by seeing it fade away. In my own experience, there is little you can do about some dramas. God seems to wonderfully heal the sick in many places today - but I am not aware of God healing broken hearts that way (which I often think is strange). Living with the longing for the unreachable is the only option then, hoping upon God, that He would somehow compensate it with something in the future.
Admitted, that is not easy. The words 'Desperate For You' confuse me somehow. It may not be the intension of this expression, but for me, it usually reminds me of a hope which I cannot take (any longer) for a realistic hope - so what remains is the longing for something or someone we feel so 'desperate for'. Hopes change into a desperate longing. Still, better than only desperation and no more longing.
Maybe Christians should speak more openly (or at least among openly among Christians) about their desperae longings. After all, we are one big family. We are with millions - even though I barely know any Christian outside my own country. Which is a shame.
Thanks for sharing this, Jen.
Posted by: Fjodorii | Sunday, 04 May 2008
I wonder if I have mentioned my name "Jen" somewhere in this blog. =D
Anyway, thank you for the comment. It did help me see some things clearly. I may still be going through emotional healing, but I am doing fine. So far, so good. =)
Posted by: Jen | Friday, 23 May 2008
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