信頼

The grief is yet to come. But sorrow is already coming into surface consuming whatever it sees weak in me. There is none left to do but be strong. Like what a friend sent me, you have to be your own hero. I have no one to call and seek for help and comfort. There is no other JenShinrai.

 

-Justice leaves Finland

 

 

 

*sigh*

 

 

The grief is yet to come. But sorrow is already coming into surface consuming whatever it sees weak in me. There is none left to do but be strong. Like what a friend sent me, you have to be your own hero. I have no one to call and seek for help and comfort. There is no other JenShinrai.

 

-Justice leaves Finland

 

 

 

*sigh*

 

 

There are songs that whenever get aired on radio or wherever remind of some things, place, events, and people. Alipin by Shamrock is one of those songs. It reminds me of Jewel in the Palace or Dae JangGeum. Alipin also reminds me of a good friend.

 

It was during lunch yesterday when the carinderia where I ate was tuned to a radio playing Alipin. I was listening intently. Then there was a line in the song that hit me. XD

 

 

ALIPIN
~Shamrock
 
Di ko man maamin
Ikaw ay mahalaga sa akin
Di ko man maisip
Sa pagtulog ikaw ang panaginip
Malabo man ang aking pag-iisip
Sana'y pakinggan mo ang sigaw nitong damdamin

[chorus:]
Ako'y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako'y manhid
Sana at iyong nariring
Sa'yong yakap ako'y nasasabik...

Ayoko sa iba
Sa'yo ako ay hindi magsasawa
Ano man ang iyong sabihin
Umasa ka ito ay diringgin
Madalas man na parang aso't pusa
Giliw sa piling mo ako ay masaya

[chorus:]
Ako'y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako'y manhid
Sana at iyong nariring
Sayong yakap ako'y nasasabik...

[coda:]
Pilit mang abutin ang mga tala
Basta't sa akin 'wag kang mawawala

Ako'y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako'y manhid
Sana ay iyong naririnig
Sayong yakap ako'nais makatabi
Malamig man o mainit ang gabi
Nais ko sana iparating na ikaw lamang
Ang siyang aking iibigin 

 

 

 

 

I so love this song. n_n

 

 

*sings*

 

Before this month came, I used to drink coffee only every four years. It just happened to occur that way. I was not fond of coffee though I like its aroma. But it's different now. I already drink coffee every morning. O_O

 

I was thinking for a reason why I am already drinking coffee, and I came to a conclusion that I am looking for something that I will be addicted to. LOL! I think I am anxious and looking for something that people usually do to release some stress. Cigarette smoking. I know I can smoke albeit being allergic to its smoke, but it's too risky. I'm not hasting my death. And I can't literally afford to do drugs. What's left is coffee, the only legal addictive thing in the world. Haha!

 

Coffee may be legal but I was already advised by the doctor who did PE on me to avoid caffeine. Should I write further what she found out which caused her to give such health advice? Hmmm.. I think I want to take it as a doctor-patient privilege. XD

 

I'm not sure if I'll still be drinking coffee tomorrow. By the way, I've been drinking green tea even after the advice was given. I know it also contains caffeine, but it seems that caffeine is such a bewitching thing. XD

 

 

 

I'm becoming fond of two songs from Barlow Girl- Never Alone and I Need You to Love Me. These two songs remind me of God, so much, and someone who reminds me of God. So, everything leads to God. Cool, ne. =)

 

This day is, slowly, giving me little revelations about my life and with what I wanted with it. But it's just the beginning so I have to rise up and live.

 

 

NEVER ALONE
 
I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone

 

 

 

 

This song describes me so much. I'm liking it, I'm loving it. It's edifying, giving me hope.

 

 

I NEED YOU TO LOVE ME
 
Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been

 

 

This song reminds me so much of someone who reminds me of God. =p This song makes me smile to God and wink about a secret we share. ^__^

 

 

 

 

music:

Barlow Girl - Enough 

17th June 2007. Sunday. On this day, I told my self that I will get rid of the unnecessary load. I tried so hard but I didn’t pursue. I thought it will not have a stronghold in me. But I was bloody wrong.

 

08th July 2007. Sunday. It was so strong. The only memory is about Hikki’s Simple and Clean. I failed. But it was kept hidden.

 
07th October 2007. Sunday. I wanted so bad to have it ended. I hoped I’d wake up the next morning with nothing left of the unnecessary load.

 

08th October 2007. Monday. But I was wrong, again. Also, I failed. It’s still here. The roots of the trees are all over me. But I am making a decision to stop it. I don’t want to go further.

 
It’s funny. The thing that I am trying to leave behind because of this tree is also the very thing that hits me while writing about this entry.

 

I asked some friends what should be done to forget a traumatic experience. The first person who gave a reply was B2. What she said (in highlight) hit me big time.

Last week made every one in our group so toxic. We've been busy preparing our case presentation. We're supposed to present last Friday, but it was postponed. We'll have the presentation tomorrow. I live by faith and not by sight! ^__^