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Wednesday, 12 September 2007
Ambiguity
Neko and the website I visited last night were right. Keeping oneself busy helps forget some things. Being busy really helps. I even found myself quite open. But being so makes me reckon some things.I have decided before that I will kill this unnecessary load. It's not completely gone. But I am close. But then, this reminds me of what the Lord told me. I am really stubborn. And I am close to disobedience. My heart is getting disobedient. But I am only trying to protect it. Maybe I am doing it wrong.
It was the same desire I have before, to kill without the assistance of hate. I just want it gone. And I was able to forget and get rid of it because something new and better came. This time, the hold is too strong. It has not left my mind, completely. The answer to why is simple. It's like the picture/avatar I have for this entry.
Life is complicated. I am complicated. But I like it that way because it makes me weigh things and foresee some possible consequences. It also reminds me what my standards are.
mood: curious
music: Jars of Clay - Love Song for a Saviour
PS: I wonder how it feels to be killed/hurt by the one you love. *watching Gatekeepers*
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