信頼

 

-Oscar Wilde 

 

I hate being busy and having no quality time with the Lord. I have my prayers said as well as my thanksgivings. But I want more than that. I want a time, all the time I could spare, for us to have a heart to heart talk. I want to ask Him something. But how would I know His answer if I am too preoccupied with school? It sucks. And I hate it.

 

This past two weeks have been a troublesome to me. School and other daily activities are out of the question. They are not as bothersome as what the past days have brought me. I sometimes regret for being unable to finish what I was supposed to do; what I wanted to do, months ago.

 

The Lord had already given me the answer to my first question. Or did I ask Him? I could hardly remember. But I am sure He did give me a message about it. Now I have another question. But the question I have is not yet coherent. And this question, I believe, is quite subjective. But it is good that I am able to recognize that.

 

I have told a friend, or some friends, that when God speaks it is straight-forward. I know what God meant when He gave me those specific messages. I can see a part of the big picture. He has allowed me to understand some of the reasons for this. But I have become stubborn. I have become impatient. Why not? I have become a volcano ready to erupt. But everything is still in control. And I thank God for His amazing grace. My bias decision is still impending because I do not want to interfere what God has in mind.

 

Remembering what I have done since I saw it coming, some things have fallen into place, those which I wanted before. If I would think of it as a fantasy, the possibilty is high that things will be in favour of me. But I can not afford to cause sorrow. So as of now, I will do my best not to bother myself about it. Winter of the heart, as what I call a situation when everything seems distant, when everything is dark. I did not coin the term, though. Got it from The Voyage of Soul.

 

I will take this situation as a test of faithfulness, an exercise of integrity, a development of courage, an improvement of patience, and a voyage of love. lol. I was supposed to use "journey" but "voyage" is a bit interesting. I actually see some thngs in this situation like those I have read in The Voyage of Soul.

 

 

 

 

 

I am getting weaker.

 

I gave a Bible verse today to some friends. But I myself must remember that. I always do. And I thank God for always reminding me.

 

The Lord has still not given me the signal to make a decision. I want to tell Him that I want to make one now. But I am not yet strong enough to do so. And it sucks. Someday, if God will leave the choice to me I know I have to face lots of stimulated nociceptors. But I will face it. I know God will be there for me.

 

I am going to make a pathophysiology later. I have to trace the roots before it bears fruits.

 

As of now, I thank the Lord for how He has given me this "way of thinking" for I am saved from foolishness. Some things are so close I might as well forget the world if it is not because of the Lord. And it scares me. For I know I can be a dangerous person.

 

To anyone reading this, I hope you don't mind what I write here. I just need to unload some things in my life. And speaking of it, I want to thank Kai for allowing me to use a room in their house. I will not give further details. The important thing is, Kai helped me at the time when I was so consumed. Thank you so much, Kai!

 

 

I need God more than ever. I will not deny this. I might appear too weak before men. The truth is just apart from God, I am nothing. I need Him right now, for I do not want to go to the wrong places.

 

How I wish Justice leaves Finland is here with me. I know I can run to him. I know I can cry on his chest. And I am sure Justice leaves Finland will comfort me with everything he has. I know no one who can offer me that. I used to, but I couldn't anymore. That doesn't mean I lost trust and faith with what's been told to me. I just couldn't anymore. And it is sad. In the end, I only have God as my refuge and comfort.

 

I am fine. There is no need to worry. 

 

By the way, the Lord has just given me a message: Do not trouble yourself about it. My answer? We need to talk, Lord. I have some things to tell You. And You have so much to tell me.

 

 

 

16 May 2007. On this day, I have decided to kill the unncessary load I have for Richardson retractor. I saw something in my dream and my brain told me I should stop. So I thought, way back then, what if I have another encounter with it? I had no answer to that question. And I still do not even though I have already had another encounters with the ret a few weeks ago. I was just happy to have seen the ret. As for the unncessary load, it was blurry. If I am to revive it, that would be my brain making the decision. Not a good basis.

 

By the way, it all started in 15 March 2007. That was Wednesday. Hey, it was Wednesday. Weird. Well, I just remembered something. 

 

So why am I writing this thing here? Because I want to write something but I forgot what. And I think what I was supposed to write would make me look or sound emo. I am not. I just acknowledge the existence of human emotions, whatever they are.

 

Some things have made me amused, even though I used to despise some of them. I am growing up and growing stronger. I have learned to face some of my human emotions. Tehness!

 

This is funny. But for the sake of me being human, I allow such things in my life. But I will stick to my ideals. I edited the post because it would sound as if I am condemning some people. And of course, I will stick to the standards of God.

 

Tehness! This human emotion is getting in my way again. Gackt. I wonder how the hypothalamus becomes stimulated by just a memory. This is so enigmatic to me. Wooh, internal stimulus. Amazing.

 

This is funny and weird. Haha!

 

 

 

 

Coincidence? I have been dreaming of Vicodin for a couple of days already. And it is weird for my subconscious to produce such visions. Okay, change of music. Same artist though. Who's Gonna Stop It? 

 

I think I am going to love the album of OLIVIA, The Cloudy Dreamer.

 

 

I'm so happy today for what God did, not only for me but for others as well. I should've said "especially for other people" most especially those who are close to me.

 

God revealed many things to me. My favourite revelation was God can't get enough to pour out His blessings upon me. It was so overwhelming. He even poured out His spirit of comfort. That was so assuring. He even stopped me from singing praises to Him because He wanted to comfort me. Okay, here was our conversation..

 

Me: Lord, I want to stand up and praise you.

God: 'Wag muna. (Not yet.)

Me: Bakit po? (Why?)

God: I want to comfort you.

Me: *was trying to ask God why*

 

I could no longer remember what God said, but He was assuring me that He is always there to comfort me. I just turned my head on one side as if I'm leaning on someone's chest and said I love You, Lord.

 

God also gave me a vision. I saw Pastor Grace in front and I was there standing beside her. I was on her right. There was no concrete message but discipleship.

 

The Lord also gave me a message while someone was giving his testimony in front, I just don't know whose turn it was. God's message was "Edify the youth."

 

I know God has blessed me and others, so much. But my favourite message was given through Ate Cecille. She said she saw a vision of God who was delighted in our praise and worship. I was so happy when I heard that. I was so happy knowing that God was pleased, that He was happy too. I want God to be happy.

 

 

 

 

Warning: Robert Ludlum fan here

Don't worry. I haven't read the novel. T_T
I'm not going to judge the movie by its book.

~~~

I was supposed to watch Die Hard 4.0 but it was no longer available. But who cares? Who needs Die Hard 4.0 when I've got a movie based on my favourite thriller writer's novel? =p


CHARACTERS

Jason Bourne (Matt Damon)
-- I think he remains the Bourne portrayed when the (movie) first came out. I'm talking about the consistency of the character. And he's convincing with his martial arts move. I like it. Especially in The Bourne Identity when he did that kali act.

Pamela Landy (Joan Allen)
-- I like this woman, especially when she argued with Noah Vosen. The way she talks, moves, her demeanour, it is my ideal CIA Deputy Director. She’s someone who has a calm shell, but be careful as you open it. Her aura is placid but she's someone you can't underestimate. She's got a backbone.

Nicky Parsons (Julia Stiles)
-- She was there from beginning, but I never thought I'd see her again. I believe Stiles was able to portray her role without fault. Or is it just me pleased by her portrayal, or maybe it's still me who is a fan of hers. You choose.

And oh, I love that smile she painted on her face when she watched the news about a CIA agent missing. She wasn't really watching the news, but the news caught her attention. It's my favourite "amusing" smile.

I don't want to talk about the other characters. This is just getting long. But I want to add something. Dr. Albert Hirsch (Albert Finney) reminds me of Robert Ludlum. They quite look the same.


PLOT/CINEMATOGRAPHY
The movie started with Jason Bourne, still on the run, in Moscow.. This makes me nostalgic. I want to watch The Bourne Supremacy again.

There were, as expected, lots of flash backs. Some scenes are blurry because those were the times when thrill and action are on the loose.

I don’t know what’s actually missing, but I was wondering what Nicky and Jason really shared in the past. I was curious. I still am.


ACTION/FIGHT SCENES
I love them!

I love the chasing part where Bourne was, of course, chased by an assassin, Paz I believe, and by the NYP. It reminded me of Bruce Willis in Die Hard 4.0’s trailer, but Bourne did better. But it was quite unbelievable. Bourne had been through lots of chasing before he drove the super police car, was hit a lot, and was hit again yet he still managed to stand up and run. Movies..

I also like the Morocco scene. Bourne was looking for Nicky Parsons and the assassin, Desh, while being chased by the local police. Watching that scene made me realized the gravity of making decisions during situations where time is platinum. I am aware about the gravity part; I just saw it in a different picture.

The fight between Jason Bourne and Desh Bouksani, the Moroccan assassin, made me push the seat in front of me real hard while sinking myself to my own seat. I wonder how long I stayed in that position. While being carried away by the scene, I was having my own flash back. The kali scene in The Bourne Identity. It was in Jason’s apartment in Paris.

When the fight was over, my chest was visibly rising and falling. Nurses won’t have a hard time taking my respiratory rate. XD

There were scenes that I want to confirm the possibility with Physicists. I guess increasing one’s speed can defy G-force. Yes, it does. But does the principle apply to the movie’s Morocco chase? I hope NGC will make a segment about it.

Love a nurse
you won't regret.

 

That's what was printed on a shirt I bought in Philippine Orthopedic Center (POC). It's amusing. And it can also be true. With all the skills and knowledge nurses have, it is no doubt they are one of the best people you can have be it a friend, confidante, or even a partner.

 

Nurse Marilou Perlas Furio, Makati Medical Center's Director of Nursing Services, thinks the same. "A nurse will care for you and your kids," she says. "A nurse is very hygeinic and good at communication. She is a good listener and very patient. Without patience," she counsels from experience, "you will not survive."

 

I am posting this in my blog because I am amused with what nurse Marilou said. But then, it reminds me of a doctor-nurse  pairing. I only know few life partners who are doctors and nurses so it is better to leave no comment about it.

 

Nurses know better. And doctors should do the same.

 

 

 

It is easier to empty if one is certain he has something new to fill. -AFA

 

 

I wonder if I shall be like Joo Yu Rin. I were once, but I have doubts this time. I am willing to let go for the sake of ... *out of words*, which is subjective to the recent events. But then, I have to be vigilant. No anything negative should be allowed to occur. But I can handle anything addressed to me. XD

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

A thought suddenly came. It's from Cathy's LJ. I'm not sure if the line was part of the translation she did. Anyway here's the line, which caught my attention and sparked my interest.

 

 

 

 

 

Mood: Angsty

LSS: OLIVIA inspi' REIRA [TRAPNEST] - Shadow of Love